An epiphany for Hope and understanding

I suppose I came to this epiphany a while back, and just wanted to share my experience.

I am no longer going to “fight” my daughters substance use. Whenever we “fight” something we feed it unnecessary energy or power. In fact this sounds completely wild, however if anything this journey probably saved our relationship.

My daughter is a Person Who Uses Drugs (PWUD) and quite honestly it’s not a big deal to me. Lots of people use drugs, hell, I used a lot of drugs and I’m sure many of us did at one time or maybe even still do. Does this mean she is incapable of free will, intelligence, compassion, love, joy, etc.? No it doesn’t, it means she’s capable of these things and just also happens to use substances.

The moment I removed my attachment to gatekeeping her decisions, that was the moment I can truly say she became safer. The moment I removed my stigma from her drug of choice (opiates) was the moment she had the space to be more honest. The moment I consciously chose to hold my daughter up exactly as she is in the moment we began to trust each other.

I could go on with the benefits that freely and honestly giving up “fighting” my daughters right to her own autonomy did for our relationship, but I think the point is clear.

I have faced a lot of criticism, a lot of stigmatized opinions about substance use as it pertains to my daughter etc. I don’t even get very angry anymore over that because my energy can be used elsewhere for better purpose.

A lot of people mistake my acceptance of my daughter as a PWUD as giving up or not caring. That’s not true either, because I accept and hold my daughter up as a PWUD. This does not for one second mean I do not care or that I do not understand the risks or that I don’t ever not worry, I still do those things; just differently.

I support fiercely for a safer supply of drugs, I act fiercely for an abolishment of archaic systems and policy that cause harm to so many, and not just PWUD. My work and formal education is in social work and MHSU, my lived experience is as a PWUD.

I will no longer FIGHT. However I will uphold tirelessly what will support healing, what will support abolition of decayed systems and policy.

I choose to work collaboratively and independently to create new approaches or to bring back traditions that work(ed) to create meaningful, healthy compassionate, welcoming community.

Yesterday we got to celebrate my daughters birthday and I am so incredibly proud of her, I am so incredibly grateful for her, I am so incredibly happy for the way our relationship is flourishing.

I am aware of the issues. I’m focusing more on the solutions, and her and her brothers inspire me every single day. I will no longer give my energy or power to “fighting”.

I will however KEEP STANDING UP until things are as they should be, until people are safe, until our communities are healed

I am grateful for everyone in it with me, exactly wherever we are each at.

Jenn Brown - Vancouver, BC